Confidence! Yes, she's back! I guess over the years I've kind of 'lost' confidence in myself for one reason or another. I was forced into a situation where I had to work full-time and support my child 100%. I never thought I could do it! But I can, and I am! I feel a sense of pride when I get home from work on Friday afternoon and pick up my paycheck and know that I worked hard (well, kind of hard, lol!) to earn that and keep a roof over Mason's head. I guess I was afraid before, I was afraid that I couldn't support a child, but I am living and learning that I can and will continue to do so.
Ever since my life became a very bad episode of the Young and the Restless, I have done some major soul searching. I am truly at peace right now. There is nothing that I feel like I can't face now. I feel strong. I feel hopeful. I have moved on. I mourned the loss of a love, but I know that person is no longer the same person. But actually, as I am finding out, "that person" was really someone I never knew. I guess you never, ever REALLY know someone, no matter how close you are to that person. I have put it to rest because ultimately, I am not the one who judges. I have made mistakes that I am sure that I will have to answer for someday, but I am living a good life and my conscious is clean. I have been hurt like I've never been hurt before, I am recovering from that, but the one thing I will probably never recover from are the "how could he's". How could he:
*walk away from his family?
*tell me he loves me one day and the next 'we're over'?
*plan a family vacation that his kid couldn't wait to go on, then cancel?
*say things like,"the worst part about marriage is that you can't go out with other women"?
*Plan an anniversary weekend together, then leave?
I deserve better than that, I know I do. Some things are just ingrained in people, but ultimately, we make the choices. We are the ones that are responsible for our own actions. God works in mysterious ways and I thank God everyday for opening my eyes and helping me realize who I am and what I want.
1 comment:
Amen, girl...wow, you ARE so strong! I know it comes and goes, but the way you think and handle yourself, I'm so proud of your strength. You are a wonderful person.
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