Wedding Bells

My cousin is getting married next year, this is the first marriage in the family since mine in 2002. I am so happy for them, they are a great couple and really enjoy seeing them at (rare) family gatherings. My only advice would be to get pre-marriage counseling. Of course, when you walk down the aisle, the furthest thing from your mind is breaking up. No one goes into a marriage thinking about how it's going to end. Marriage is supposed to be "til death do us part". I found some good marriage/family quotes that I thought hit the nail on the head:

*To get the full value of joy you must have someone to divide it with.
Mark Twain

*What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how
compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility.
Leo Tolstoy

*The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.
Theodore Hesburgh

*One advantage of marriage, it seems to me, is that when you fall
out of love with each other, it keeps you together until you fall in love again.
Judith Viorst

I am certainly no one to give advice on marriage, but love is a strange thing. If you're lucky enough to find "the one", then count your lucky stars. It's never too late to right wrongs, to look into the eyes of your loved one and tell them you love them, to hold hands and go through the journey of life together, forever. So, I truly wish them the best and all the happiness in the world! It's been so long since I've been to a wedding, I can't wait!

Lazy Monday.

I worked this morning, but was able to get home early, good thing, too. Mason didn't go to school on Friday and he had to come home early today. I hope he gets better soon. I think a lot of the way he feels is stress-induced. I feel so bad for him, God I just want all of this to go away. I couldn't get him into the doctor today, so it's lots of rest for him on the couch. I'm also afraid I'm going to have to get his foot x-rayed, he has been limping and really complaining about how bad it hurts :( . So, I hope he can get through school tomorrow, because it's my long day at work and it would be difficult to get him. Get better, Mason!! It's so rushed in the mornings and money is really tight, so I have been making tea and bottling it in glass bottles that formally had store bought iced tea in them. Aside from the time issue, this is SO much better. Not only do I have the tea exactly how I like it, one pot makes about 4 bottles, so I'm good for a day and a half! I kicked it up a notch today, also. I made iced coffee and bottled some of that, too! I used to love the Starbucks iced coffee, but with about 200 calories a bottle, it is NOT worth it. So I make mine with vanilla soy milk, splenda, splash of vanilla and strong coffee. I can't wait to drink it tomorrow! Well, I'm off to watch the Celebrity Apprentice from last night, I hope Bret is still there!!

(Can't Sleep)

Ahhh, I hate nights like these. I can't sleep, so I get online or watch TV and still can't seem to get tired. I've got a lot on my mind, too. I want to talk, but can't call anyone at midnight, all I wanted all along was to talk, even if I didn't show it very well. I'm still sorting things out and wondering how things in my life have changed so drastically is such a short amount of time. How hateful once-loved ones can be, how cold, calculated and arrogant a person can be. How a gutless, unwilling to reason and cowardly person you once knew as a strong, hard-working, caring, loving person can snap in a heartbeat. How being faithful became a chore. How the most hurtful words can come out of a person you trusted your life with. How love turns to fear in an instant. How love letters that were written (and cherished) now have more hurtful feeling than loving ones. How there is no remorse. No remorse. Things that seemed to have so much meaning, mean nothing at all. Things that didn't mean anything, seem to mean so much now. I didn't ask for this. Mason and I didn't choose this. But we are the one's holding the proverbial bag. We have to pick up the pieces because no one else is. No one else is making sure he gets to/from school, eats 3 meals a day, plus about 15 snacks!, make sure he is tucked in at night, his homework is done, and that he is on time for baseball. I didn't walk away from that, I am proudly embracing it. It doesn't matter what I went through or anyone else went through as a child, bottom line is that any good parent wants better for their child, never wants them to feel any pain that you went through. Sometimes the hardest thing in life is to swallow your pride. On the final minutes of this Mother's Day, I am tooting my own horn because I deserve it. I have been here and trying to make things as normal as possible for my child. He is the reason that I get up in the morning and pray to God that I get to spend another day with him. I will never get the answers that I want because the answers that I want will never cross the lips of a coward. It's easy to walk away, it's harder to face your problems, but who knows maybe your problems could be solved by throwing them in front of a moving train, just a thought.



Perhaps there will be a big derailment ahead.

Great Day!

Today we went over to see my Mom and then Mason and I went out. Mason had gotten me a gift and to me, a perfect gift is one that comes from the heart. Mason had heard me say that I really liked a wax/tart burner from a little gift shop in town, that was 2 months ago. He is so sweet!



I love it, I melted 4 cinnamon wax things and the whole house smelled like I was baking cinnamon buns! The little cast-iron skillet is just adorable!!

Thank goodness that I had my camera in the car because the car ride today with Mason's dead DS and dead PSP would have been torture (for him anyway!!). So here, he kept himself busy:






So funny! Thank you, Mason for coming into my life and being the reason I get to celebrate Mother's Day!

{Happy Mother's Day}

This Mother's Day is going to be a little different from years past, but it's the first round of "things to celebrate in a new way", a new tradition will start today, just Mason and I. I can't wait to spend the day with him, we have some things planned, but mostly just to spend time together and talk. It would be nice to spend some time outside, but the cool crisp air 'smells' like snow! I can't believe how cold and windy it is! I was up in my scraproom last night making a card, I only had to make one card this year! Although, I never minded making two. So, Happy Mother's Day to all you great Mom's and enjoy the day!

I have been waiting for awhile to see Betty White on SNL ever since the Facebook group, "Join if you want Betty White to host SNL" surfaced. Not that I should expect much from SNL (and haven't for the past 15 years) but she is SO much funnier than the skits they had her in last night. It just wasn't as funny as I had hoped! I do like her in the snickers commercial, though!



Happy Mother's Day, have a great day, I know I will!!

What an amazing night out last night! I saw Nightmare on Elm St. and once again, my high expectations for horror movies gets in the way, but the movie was pretty good, not great, but not horrible. I did not like the new Freddy, it just wasn't the same, even the make-up didn't really make him look like Freddy and he was way too short, I suppose I could make a living as a movie critic?? Then out to dinner and it was just soooooo nice to get out of the house! I was watching one of my $.98 movies this morning and plan to finish that and start another one tonight after an all new iCarly! Mason has a baseball game this afternoon and I am hoping that the rain/thunderstorms hold off. It is SO windy here today. Enjoy the rest of the weekend and Happy Mother's Day!

So, This New Thing Has Walked Back Into My Life...

Confidence! Yes, she's back! I guess over the years I've kind of 'lost' confidence in myself for one reason or another. I was forced into a situation where I had to work full-time and support my child 100%. I never thought I could do it! But I can, and I am! I feel a sense of pride when I get home from work on Friday afternoon and pick up my paycheck and know that I worked hard (well, kind of hard, lol!) to earn that and keep a roof over Mason's head. I guess I was afraid before, I was afraid that I couldn't support a child, but I am living and learning that I can and will continue to do so.

Ever since my life became a very bad episode of the Young and the Restless, I have done some major soul searching. I am truly at peace right now. There is nothing that I feel like I can't face now. I feel strong. I feel hopeful. I have moved on. I mourned the loss of a love, but I know that person is no longer the same person. But actually, as I am finding out, "that person" was really someone I never knew. I guess you never, ever REALLY know someone, no matter how close you are to that person. I have put it to rest because ultimately, I am not the one who judges. I have made mistakes that I am sure that I will have to answer for someday, but I am living a good life and my conscious is clean. I have been hurt like I've never been hurt before, I am recovering from that, but the one thing I will probably never recover from are the "how could he's". How could he:

*walk away from his family?
*tell me he loves me one day and the next 'we're over'?
*plan a family vacation that his kid couldn't wait to go on, then cancel?
*say things like,"the worst part about marriage is that you can't go out with other women"?
*Plan an anniversary weekend together, then leave?

I deserve better than that, I know I do. Some things are just ingrained in people, but ultimately, we make the choices. We are the ones that are responsible for our own actions. God works in mysterious ways and I thank God everyday for opening my eyes and helping me realize who I am and what I want.